Australia: Week 1

It’s been a week since I landed here in Australia. It’s been a little over a week in the states since I left, weird-ass time differences.

The trip started out not so good, after a billion hours on a plane, which included a showing of “How to train your Dragon” which was an incredibly cute movie, I then had to spend a majority of my day at the airport waiting for the bus to take me from Sydney to Canberra. Meanwhile everyone there was rude as Hell, I thought it was maybe because I was American, but then I remembered that everyone in American airports are also as rude as Hell.

Those super-awesome baggage handlers broke the handle off my suitcase. So I had to cart the thing around lifting it by the little nubs that were left on it. At some point these nubs took a gouge out of my hand.

The charter bus company told me I didn’t need a ticket, just the reservation number they emailed me. Which caused a bit of confusion with the bus driver who, again, was a bit of a prick.

I FINALLY get to Bob’s house, but he’s not off work yet so I have to just sit outside and wait leeching an Internet connection off his wireless router, but my laptop battery died. Once he got home and I got in I pretty much just wanted to do nothing. Emma stopped by that night with some things, it wasn’t nearly as awkward as I thought it would be, but I won’t lie, it was still weird.

On Friday I spent most of the day cleaning Bob’s house. I hate to say it but it was really bad. Balls of dust the size of my hand in some corners and it was black and thick. So I got out a broom and a duster and spent most of the day getting what I could. It would shock the Hell out of my Mother to find out that I ever moved furniture to clean under and behind it. I usually tell her not to worry about those places, no one can see them, why clean them. But knowing there were creepy-crawleys living in these dark places of Bob’s house, I wasn’t taking any chances.

That night Emma came by again, she took me to her friend’s house and we watched Smackdown. Then her and I went around the city, she took me to the top of a mountain, which the name escapes me now, where you can pretty much see all of Canberra. It was really cool seeing the city all lit up in the dark. We then went to a coffee shop and got some really good hot chocolate. During these times, as well, her and I had what would be part 1 of a discussion we needed to have. But we had a good time. AND I SAW KANGAROOS! On the way to Smackdown I looked up on a hill and thought I saw some people walking around, then they were hopping. It was a whole group of Kangaroos. Then when we were going up the mountain there was one right on the side of the road. Emma stopped because apparently they’ll jump out in front of you. They’re like deer.

On Saturday Bob took me out to see the city in the daytime. We went to where he works and I got to see what he does all day. It made it all the more apparent why so much of his stuff is dirty. I kinda knew what he did but didn’t realize it till I saw where he works. He pretty much is elbow deep in mud all day. He took me to the top of the same mountain I went on the night before. Again, it was really cool to see the whole city, and now have some point of reference as to what all the sparkly dots were from the night before. Then he took me down to the river and showed me around. I saw a bunch of bats sleeping in a tree. Just hanging there.

On Sunday Bob and I went to Emma’s place as she was having a ‘Christmas in July/Housewarming’ party. I got to meet all of her friends, who are all really cool people. We talked about all the horrible Australian animals that can kill you. The birds that have learned to mimic the sounds of chainsaws. A few of them are wrestling fans as well so we talked about that. Then after everyone was stuffed, we went inside where her friend Matt had brought every version of Guitar Hero/Rock Band that he owned and we played that for a bit.

I didn’t really want to go when Bob did, but then he reminded me that we had filming stuff to do, which we got a few skits done. I also got to meet Sam who brought over a couple props he had that we needed for other sketches we planned on filming.

Didn’t do a whole lot on Monday. Was planning on meeting Emma for lunch but the bus system intimidated me. For the capital of the country and the bus system is really wonkey. It intimidated me, so I put it off. I pretty much spent that day recuperating from the lack of rest over the previous four days. Then Bob and I met Emma, her brother (Whose name continuously escapes me, sorry…) Matt, and Sam at a pub called “Pot Belly’s” for a pub sketch. Pretty much meet up, have a pencil and sketchbook ready and people hang out and draw. It was fun.

On Tuesday, I woke up and realized that Monday Night Raw was airing a couple hours after I woke up as Aus is a day ahead of America. So I found a stream of a Canadian channel and watched it. This is when Jaimi and Emma were giving me shit over Twitter for spending my vacation doing what I always do instead of exploring. But later that night Emma and I went to the Dinosaur museum, which was cool. Not a whole lot there, but some interesting stuff if you like dinosaurs. Then we went to a tea shop next to the museum and had part 2 of our discussion. And some good tea. Or, at least, I thought it was good tea. I don’t really know good tea from bad tea as I usually dump a bunch of sugar in it anyway.

Which reminds me. Coke! Holy crap the CocaCola they have here is the best I’ve ever tasted. In Portland there are a few places that serve Mexican imported Coke which tastes better because they use real sugar instead of corn syrup, however it’s usually kind of flat. Aussie Coke is just as fizzy as normal Coke, and they use real sugar like the Mexican coke AND it’s sweeter than the Mexican Coke. I couldn’t get over how different and good it tasted. And I generally don’t like regular Coke.

Also on Tuesday night, Bob and I ordered pizza from a new place up the road from his house. We got a regular hawiian pizza, which I wanted because I know I like it and can eat it without it attacking my insides. But they also had a potato pizza. If you’ve ever had potato skins at a steakhouse or something, a lot of places have them as appetizers, if you haven’t had them you should. Anyway. Everything on those but on a pizza. So we got one of those as well and WOW! It was SO good! By the end of the night the Potato pizza was about gone and the Hawiian still had half left.

On Wednesday I finally managed to figure out the bus system, and even though, because of the wacky ass system they have, I got on every wrong bus, and got off at every wrong stop because apparently Aussies don’t believe in SIGNS, I still got where I was going. I don’t know HOW I got there, but I did. And about an hour earlier than I thought I would. So I got to wonder around the Mall in Woden until Emma got off work, then we went to lunch at a Thai place she likes. I had never had Thai food before. And she knew I don’t do spicy well. So I had her order for me. And it was excellent! On the way back, again, got on every wrong bus and wrong stop but I got home. But didn’t have a key to Bob’s yet, so I had to wait for him to get home. Then his Mom came to pick up her dog, who was staying here for a bit. And she gave me her key so that won’t happen again. And I won’t pull my groin trying to climb the fence again, which I did, trying to break into the house as it looked like it was going to rain.

And now it’s Thursday here, I’ve been here for a week. Next week I’ll try to write up another one of these and inform you all on Week 2.

-Mike Perry